Find The Boots

On a recent trip to India, my human rights were severely violated. Let me describe my day:

I started off in the morning wanting to take a swim. When I showed up at the pool area, there was a huge sign that said "No shoes allowed." When I tried to wear my sneakers into the pool the attendant became very agitated and required that I take them off. I explained to him that I had a human right to keep on my shoes and that he was repressing me, but all I got was a head bob.

Later that day I played tourist and went to visit a temple. The security staff at the temple accosted me and required that I remove my shoes in order to enter. I pointed out that I had a right to enter because it was a public place and that there were lots of people walking around barefoot in there and that it was disgusting. I didn't get much sympathy; the jackbooted thug at the temple gate just looked at me with a puzzled expression.

For dinner I was invited over to a friends house. As I went through the front door, he indicated that I should take off my shoes. I screamed "Not you too! I'm being repressed! This is an outrage!" at him, but he didn't seem to understand the importance of my God given right to wear shoes wherever I wished.

In short, India is a facist state. Clearly, Kip Hawley has managed to take over the country and institute his ridiculous shoe carnival throughout the nation. I was very glad to get back to the US where I'm only required to remove my shoes for about 20 feet as I pass through the metal detector at the airport. I'm so glad to be back in the land of the free. Tonight I'll be in a nice hotel room where I can wear my shoes the entire time. I think I'll even sleep with my shoes on.