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Find The Boots

Rantings from a few corporate types about life, technology, travel, guns, politics, and everything good in the world.

BoonDoggie for President

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

With people like Barak Obama and John Edwards announcing their candidacy, I figure anybody can run for president. I'm a US Citizen and I'm old enough, so here is it. I am officially a candidate for the Presidency.

Most politicians try to talk about issues and values and make promises about what they'll do in office. As a middle manager in a mega-corp, I'm more than aware that what the top chief executive wants to happen and what really happens often have little to do with each other. It's all about the people that you surround yourself with. So instead of blathering on about issues and values, I'm going to announce what my cabinet will look like. You'll be able to figure out what kind of president I'll be once you see my management team.

Vice President. Natalie Portman. John Nance Garner, the 32nd Vice President, called the job not worth a warm bucket of spit. So we may as well get someone who's really easy to look at. I have no idea where she is politically, and it doesn't matter because I won't be listening to her. And she has all that experience as the Senator from Naboo, which is more than you can say about my political experience. And there will be plenty of drool for the bucket.

Director, Transportation Security Administration. Yes, this is a pretty specific post to be announcing now as it's pretty far down in the halls of power, but as a frequent flier it's something I'd like to get fixed immediately. My choice for this is Spiff, from Flyertalk. He really hates the current head of the TSA and is sure he can fix everything. Heck, maybe he can. Or maybe he'll find out what it's like to lead any large organization. Anyway, seeing people carrying stuff that says "Spiff is an idiot" would be worth it.

Secretary, DHS. TierFlier gets that one. I think he'd do a good job, we have lots of gadgets brought into use, and it would be really funny to sit in on the conference calls with Spiff.

Secretary of State. Dr. Kissinger would have been great, but I think he's getting a little long in the tooth and wouldn't be able to really treat some other countries like I'd like us to. So the clear candidate for this position is Kim du Toit. He wanted the job of UN Ambassador. But I think that would be a little beneath his abilities. Read his linked job application and I'm sure you'll agree.

Secretary of Defense. Tommy Franks. Tommy did exactly what we asked him to do, and that's all you can ask of anyone. Just lay out whatever you need killed or broken and turn him loose.

National Security Advisor. Wretchard from The Belmont Club. He'll have to move to the US, but at least he understands what the Global War on Terrorism is about.

Press Secretary. Michelle Malkin. Every bit as good as Tony Snow, I agree with most things she says, and she's hot.

Well, that's just the beginning of my campaign. I'll announce others as they occur to me.

In the words of Pedro, "Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true. "


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