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Find The Boots

Rantings from a few corporate types about life, technology, travel, guns, politics, and everything good in the world.

John Edwards - BS Artiste Extraordinare

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Not that this surprises anyone - trial lawyer, politician, Chapel Hill resident. How could he be otherwise? We all know his "two Americas" platform - it's his little set speech.

I was recently reading Sherlock's Windshield and came across his Eight Americas. Absolutely brill!

Here it is, just in case he pulls his website someday. He's a daily 'check' for me, though he doesn't post more than two or three times a week.

---

It's inevitable. Whenever reporters and pundits run out of things to write about, they seek the cover of a good ol' 'us and them' story. Rich vs. poor. Black vs. white. Haves vs. have-nots. And the headline is always the same: 'There Are Two Americas'. Baloney. There are many Americas. I've come up with eight:


Right Wing
America
Lefty
America
Redneck
America
Celebrity
America
Geezer
America
Ghetto
America
Gearhead
America
Victim
America
daily
driver
expensive but conservative sedan
20 year-old Volvo or Subaru
GMC
duallie
Bentley Continental GT
(and a Prius for photo ops)
ancient Town Car with padded vinyl roof
$200 car with $2,000 dubs
something fast
'82 Ford Escort on 4 space saver spare tires
vehicle
color
Metallic Burgundy
faded
Seafoam
Dukes of Hazzard Orange
something custom and expensive
something pale and inoffensive
primer
Arrest-Me Red
too dirty to identify
bumper
sticker
None.
"It might damage the paint on my S-Class."
15 of them, involving whales, the environment, Central America and recycling
'I'd Rather Be Fishin'.'
- or -
(in Georgia)
'How 'Bout Them Dawgs?'
None.
"It might damage my image by becoming stale."
'Ask Me About My Grandkids'
None, but license plate hanging by paper clip throws sparks from roadway.
None
"It might damage the paint on my Corvette."
(see above)
drive-time
listening
Rush
NPR
Brooks & Dunn
sound of own voice
Music of Your Life
"I can't hear ya - I got the speakers cranked!"
rumble of Glasspaks
Dr. Laura: "But she's soooooo mean sometimes."
today's
entree
medium-rare filet with a Mondavi red
tofu and bean burrito with sun tea
Bar-B-Que with Bud
something expensive to be vomited later
bran muffin with Metamucil
Spaghetti
Os
with Ripple
"Don't eat in my #@!%& car!"
"My fridge is empty. I didn't shop; I had some setbacks."
most
recent
arrest
DUI on the way home from the Country Club
disorderly conduct at protest and marijuana possession (found during
post-arrest
search
)
haulin'
moonshine
assaulting paparazzi
driving too slow - creating a hazardous condition
"They're not burglar tools, officer. I'm goin' to Locksmith College."
50 mph over the limit
driving without a license.
"
It's so not fair! I moved. They sent the renewal to my old address."
political
theater
online petition, lawn sign with red white & blue graphics and a short slogan
street marches involving paper mache puppets and banners with long screeds
re-enacting key scenes from 'Deliverance' using scared hippies or city folk
photo op with baby seal
voting against anything that might raise taxes
nightly
gunfire
angry letter to Hemmings Motor News about EPA and CAFE
whining in line at various social agencies

   

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