John Edwards - BS Artiste Extraordinare
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Not that this surprises anyone - trial lawyer, politician, Chapel Hill resident. How could he be otherwise? We all know his "two Americas" platform - it's his little set speech.
I was recently reading Sherlock's Windshield and came across his Eight Americas. Absolutely brill!
Here it is, just in case he pulls his website someday. He's a daily 'check' for me, though he doesn't post more than two or three times a week.
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I was recently reading Sherlock's Windshield and came across his Eight Americas. Absolutely brill!
Here it is, just in case he pulls his website someday. He's a daily 'check' for me, though he doesn't post more than two or three times a week.
---
It's inevitable. Whenever reporters and pundits run out of things to write about, they seek the cover of a good ol' 'us and them' story. Rich vs. poor. Black vs. white. Haves vs. have-nots. And the headline is always the same: 'There Are Two Americas'. Baloney. There are many Americas. I've come up with eight:
| Right Wing America | Lefty America | Redneck America | Celebrity America | Geezer America | Ghetto America | Gearhead America | Victim America | |
| daily driver | expensive but conservative sedan | 20 year-old Volvo or Subaru | GMC duallie | Bentley Continental GT (and a Prius for photo ops) | ancient Town Car with padded vinyl roof | $200 car with $2,000 dubs | something fast | '82 Ford Escort on 4 space saver spare tires |
| vehicle color | Metallic Burgundy | faded Seafoam | Dukes of Hazzard Orange | something custom and expensive | something pale and inoffensive | primer | Arrest-Me Red | too dirty to identify |
| bumper sticker | None. "It might damage the paint on my S-Class." | 15 of them, involving whales, the environment, Central America and recycling | 'I'd Rather Be Fishin'.' - or - (in Georgia) 'How 'Bout Them Dawgs?' | None. "It might damage my image by becoming stale." | 'Ask Me About My Grandkids' | None, but license plate hanging by paper clip throws sparks from roadway. | None "It might damage the paint on my Corvette." | (see above) |
| drive-time listening | Rush | NPR | Brooks & Dunn | sound of own voice | Music of Your Life | "I can't hear ya - I got the speakers cranked!" | rumble of Glasspaks | Dr. Laura: "But she's soooooo mean sometimes." |
| today's entree | medium-rare filet with a Mondavi red | tofu and bean burrito with sun tea | Bar-B-Que with Bud | something expensive to be vomited later | bran muffin with Metamucil | Spaghetti Os with Ripple | "Don't eat in my #@!%& car!" | "My fridge is empty. I didn't shop; I had some setbacks." |
| most recent arrest | DUI on the way home from the Country Club | disorderly conduct at protest and marijuana possession (found during post-arrest search) | haulin' moonshine | assaulting paparazzi | driving too slow - creating a hazardous condition | "They're not burglar tools, officer. I'm goin' to Locksmith College." | 50 mph over the limit | driving without a license. "It's so not fair! I moved. They sent the renewal to my old address." |
| political theater | online petition, lawn sign with red white & blue graphics and a short slogan | street marches involving paper mache puppets and banners with long screeds | re-enacting key scenes from 'Deliverance' using scared hippies or city folk | photo op with baby seal | voting against anything that might raise taxes | nightly gunfire | angry letter to Hemmings Motor News about EPA and CAFE | whining in line at various social agencies |
posted by TierFlyer | Permalink |
1 Comments:
At 3:35 AM,
Politics of a Patriot said…
I love it! It's almost completely true!!! Haha
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